Anyone Out There. . . [getting UP after drugs]
. . . have any experience with the Meadow Creek Treatment Centre, where they tackle issues of substance use with concurrent mental disorders? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
I’m debating whether or not to commit myself.
As far as my vices go, I started out being merely a workaholic [at the time it seemed better than being depressed, anxious, verging on bulimic and suicidal, not to mention the upcoming “-ics”!], then worked my way into becoming an alcoholic and finally, a full-fledged drug addict.
Alcohol has been absent for quite some time now and I can’t remember when my last drink was, let alone the last time I drank myself into a stupour. The last two vices, well - read on for a few details about those.
This past week and a half I have been working my rear off to quit smoking grass completely [Goal: 28 g -> 14 g -> 0 g/weekly], while making sure I’m getting some good exercise at least five times a week, if not more. Add to that the fact that I have also cut my lorazepam down from 3 pills a day (1 every 6 hours) to once a day, sometimes none [Goal: 3 mg-> 1 mg -> 0 mg/daily]. It’s not as though I leave my home regularly, if at all, but I would highly suggest not coming ’round for a visit on a “no lorazepam” day just yet!
As for my history and pathology with marijuana, I didn’t touch the stuff until I was 21, and from then it took me 2-3 years to work up to the equivalent of about 1 joint a week, to 1 every other day, to once a day, to much more than that. I turned 28 this year. So that’s at least 3 years of full-on, idiotic stupour right there.
It was a rocky start emotionally and physically, but I’m getting there. I am seriously looking forward to being squeaky clean from all psychotropics, prescription or otherwise, for the first time in over a decade [in the case of the prescription meds, anyway!]. The end of lying to myself and others in this way will also be quite the thrill, I’m sure. Somehow, after taking the leap and actually blogging about something this personal, I’m already feeling a tinge of pride at the progress I have made to date.
Having been unemployed going on 10 months now and for the first time since age 16 [disregarding the few paper routes before that!], I cannot even dream of finding enough graceful praise for my partner and the support he has afforded me these past couple of years. Psychological and emotional support, mostly in helping to defend me from my self, and also materially, in ensuring that at least one of us is bringing home the proverbial bacon! Your patience has been [and remains!] absolutely unwordly, and I will find it within myself to cherish you fully and properly, even if I die trying. . .
Only from the looks of where I’m standing now, death won’t have any part in it, any time soon. Unless, of course, my tears of joy drown us both.
“Sucess is getting up more times than you fall down. . .” (Anonymous/Unknown)
As always, any and all questions, comments, and suggestions are welcome.
June 19th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Well, after over a month I’ve finally posted, but still to no avail on the backlog of tags.
“One thing at a time…” or “Speed kills!”, two of my favourite no-nonsense bits of advice, care of my rockin’ husband.
Who comments on their own entries?!
Me, that’s who!
June 19th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Hey You!
Glad to see you back on-line. Have missed you.
So love the line…”Sucess is getting up more times than you fall down.” I can so relate to that.
Hugs,
Sheri
June 20th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Hiya! I was wondering where you were…. I had only been reading your blog for a very short while when you disappeared. Sounds like you’ve been very busy.
I gotta say, if you were prescribed anti anxiety meds for a mental disorder, I definitely vote for rehab to come off of them. At rehab, they’ll teach you how to deal with the anxiety (and maybe a touch of the agrophobia, no?)without the meds, and that’s the only way you’ll stay off ‘em.
Nice to see you back! Good luck with everything, and don’t disappear again.
June 20th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Awww, Sheri… -
Thank You for dropping by to leave me this comment; you made my day with it yesterday, and again today… (*massive huggles!*) I’ve missed you too!
I heard that line from someone on a TLC program and it kicked me in the face emotionally, so I came online to see if I could find who said it initially. And ended up writing something (finally!).
In the search, I came up with a bunch of “unknowns” and “anonymouses”(?!) (oooh! follow me for anonymous fun) Heheheh ;P
I have so much to learn from you, let alone all the fun we haven’t had yet(!). Looking forward to finally hooking up, heheheh. It’ll happen, sooner or later! ;P
N.B. Self: Set a day each week for blog-trolling and then a different one for any potential updates here. Result? Hope in hell of keeping up with reading all of the blogs I was reading before my impromptu skipping of Blog Town for The Cottage + Aftermath. Oh, and hope for keeping this place updated summarily, too!
Ah well. The doctors “own” me for a little while longer - Monday I see a new one who I’m sure will have plenty of insight into “Other than the obvious, what the frick is wrong with me?” I don’t envy him *cringes* - I have TWO letters from my G.P. explaining issues and putting a fine point on my, erm. . . “mercurial” nature. I hadn’t heard that word since high school English.
def’n from Google:
erratic: liable to sudden unpredictable change; “erratic behavior”; “fickle weather”; “mercurial twists of temperament”; “a quicksilver character, cool and willful at one moment, utterly fragile the next”
Okay, yeah. That works. Hmm. I can’t seem to remember where in the Universe Mercury was when I was born. “All over the place”, perhaps?
June 20th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Verybadcat - *sniffs*! You’re a sweetheart.
Thank you so much for commenting…
I just talked to my ‘head honcho’ doc today, and he told me to STAY STAY STAY on the benzo since he explained that he prescribed it to be the only thing getting me through all of the emotional chaos in here!
I was trying to wean myself off of it because a separate drug counsellor whose help we had engaged expressed some annoyance at the fact that my main doctor took me off one benzo and put me on another. The new benzo (loraz.) works better, longer and with fewer side effects and apparently no ‘addiction’ factor.
The problem arose when I became confused by the differing opinions of the docs (remember - I am VERY “mercurial” hahahah) in this time where we’re unloading all the previous meds in hopes of clearing up the many varied diagnoses.
I’m not really sure that I need the ‘extreme’ of rehab., but if it is suggested, then I would not hesitate to go.
Somehow in all of this I forgot that I have the last word in decisions regarding my care. It’s so difficult when you can’t make up your racing mind about -anything-…
Time will tell, I guess ;D
In the meantime, I can’t wait to get back to your site - I love it! It helps ground me knowing I’m not the only one out here struggling with ‘crazy’-ish issues!
June 21st, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Hello ankakay,
Can anyone tell me how quit thinking about going to Columbia and reap all the opium?!
I have some malicious mind disease for the past days when my friends left me for summer!
Huhuhu!
KissFendi Fendi
How are you anway honey?!
Been long time..
Can we exchange links?
kiss
Fendi
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Welcome back, Fendi!
It’s a bitter kind of sweet (hahah) when friends go away for the summer
I hope they’ll be back once the summer’s done! Those were awesome pictures you had of them on your site and I laughed while thoroughly enjoying your captions to the photos, heheheh
I would love to exchange links with you, Fendi - in exchange for Swedish lessons, of course?! (hahahah ;P Kidding, kidding!)
I put the link up yesterday - check it out in the dropdown to the right somewheres [which will be ‘fixed’ someday so that my main links are NOT in a dropdown box, but in their respective categories as well as visible ;D]. If you’d like the text listed any differently, just drop me a line here or by email.
Again, thanks for checking back - I’m doing pretty good, thank you! In a bit of a limbo ‘diagnosis’-wise (which is quite useful for deciding how to proceed with treatment!), but hanging in there!
Now I’m off to get my hair massacred! ;P
June 26th, 2007 at 7:07 am
Whoo, an update!
I’m really proud of you for trying this hard, y’know.
And, um… you’re awesome. Keep at it, ‘kay?
Hugs!
July 1st, 2007 at 1:10 am
Adamu, you make me smile so wide I can fear my earlobes tickling. And my sombrely feisty heart pausing to melt!
*HUGS*!